Help, I Feel Like I Don't Fit in

The scents of vanilla bean body spray and cherry blossom lotion waft through the door before I even enter the room. I hear them laughing, talking about children, and discussing essential oils as I pass through the threshold. It’s my first meeting with the Moms’ Group, and familiar anxiety rises in my chest. I wonder where I’ll sit and immediately feel like I don’t fit in here.

I scan the room as I wait in line to fill out my nametag. My box-like letters look like they were penned by an eight-year-old boy, while the other women etch their letters with elegant calligraphy.

Awesome.

Why did I not take cursive class more seriously in third grade?

Scanning the room for an open seat, I decide I’d probably fit in better at the men’s chili cook-off.

I’m into sports, camping, fishing, hiking, jogging shoes, ball caps, and T-shirts. I’m woodsy and sporty. And I feel like I don’t fit in here.

Help, I feel like I don’t fit in . . .

I’m pushing my tomboy thoughts to the back of my mind when I remember. I remember the truth I try to embrace in every social situation: I’m not here to feel included; I’m here to love others well.

The insecure part of me looks around and thinks, “Who will make me feel included?”

Meanwhile, the Spirit-led part of me whispers: “I’m not called to fit in; I’m called to extend love and kindness to others.”

Insecurity whispers, “Please include me.”

Jesus-in-me whispers, “Who can I include and welcome?”

I listen to these words as I pick my seat among the women.

I notice an empty seat among a chatty group of women in the center of the room.

“Oh no,” I think, “this is not what I was hoping for.” Am I really going to saunter over to this group in my too-tight skinny jeans, plaid shirt, and loose bun, and join in?

I walk to the table, and the kind women tell me that the seat is open. They welcome me with smiles and warm greetings.

I join in the conversation, and we talk for a few minutes. The speaker interrupts our conversation, and I sigh at the reprieve of forced silence for the next half-hour.

Even when I feel like I don’t fit in, I am still called to be my real self.

The speaker concludes her talk and encourages us to discuss some weighty issues. She wants us to talk about balancing motherhood with passions that aren’t connected to being moms. The women at my table seem reluctant to open up, and I sense a nudge in my heart: Be real with these women. They need it.

Most of us are good at wearing masks. We cover ourselves in foundation, concealer, eyeliner, and mascara. We make sure our hair looks good and our clothes fit perfectly. (Read here for 5 reasons to show up and be the real you.)

What if taking off my mask will allow these women to shed theirs as well?

I ponder the question and scratch my loose bun, staring down at my frumpy flannel. I’ve always loved plaid.

The Gift of Being Real

Asking God for courage, I open up. I tell my new friends about my exhaustion. I’m honest about my failures. I tell them about the chocolate I eat at night. The way I snap at my kids when I’m tired.

I love being a mom. My years as a mom have been the best of my life. But there’s so much gritty, unseen work that no one knows about. So many days, I pray for my husband to come home from work and offer some relief. Motherhood isn’t an easy calling. (Join me here, tired mom, for more encouragement.)

My vulnerability opens the floodgates. The beautiful moms with their perfect makeup are weeping as they share the same struggles. They’re honest about their failures, their lack of satisfaction, and the places they turn when they feel empty.

Our group lingers into late morning, after the meeting has ended and the men come to put the tables away. We pray, cry, laugh, and share. We exchange phone numbers and arrange playdates. Something profound has transpired.

How to Carry God’s Love into the World

The fruit of that honest morning continues to ripple into my life now, years later.

Sometimes, I still walk into crowded rooms and feel like I don’t fit in. Nonetheless, I’m learning to push through the discomfort and offer others the gift of my authentic self. Every time I push through the awkwardness, even when I feel like I don’t fit in, I find rewards on the other side.

The next time you feel awkward or feel like you don’t fit in, I encourage you to shift your focus. Turn your eyes away from yourself and ask God to show you someone to love and encourage. This is how we overcome the fear of not fitting in. This is how we carry God’s love into the world.

The next time you feel awkward or feel like you don't fit in, I encourage you to shift your focus. Turn your eyes away from yourself and ask God to show you someone to love and encourage. #fittingin Share on X

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Calling all moms and daughters!

Additionally, my teen daughter, Bekah, and I are passionate about helping moms and daughters grow closer while connecting with God. We have written two mother-daughter devotionals together. Girl to Girl: 60 Mother-Daughter Devotions for a Closer Relationship and Deeper Faith is written for girls ages 7-12. It includes 60 devotions with Scripture, conversation starters, and a shared journaling section after each devotion.

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