4 Things to Do When You Feel Helpless

I remember the way the shadows danced on the walls as I held her through the night, the ulcers in her mouth burning with a relentlessness that made sleep hard to find. I’d bring her to the bed and let her whimper in my arms as her three-year-old body slipped in and out of sleep, and it felt like something in me just might tear wide open. And what in the world are you supposed to do when you feel helpless over the situations that matter most in your life?

It was a medical condition that shaped our lives for over a year, and most of the time we felt utterly helpless. Every month the ulcers came. Every month we tested new theories. And every month our hearts broke again when the ulcers returned.

We felt helpless, and in some ways we were. Our best efforts hadn’t led us to a cure; nonetheless, I was determined to keep searching for answers until the ulcers disappeared. There were doctors, dietary theories, concerns about chemicals in toothpaste, and much more. Though we felt helpless, we began testing the theories and didn’t stop until the ulcers went away.

The ulcers still come and go.

Looking back, I’m thankful we didn’t just give up and throw in the towel. I’m thankful we kept pressing, searching, and praying for healing for our child. (Read here for insight on how to shift from a posture of pleading and instead start praying powerful prayers when you feel helpless.)

While I believe God is always good, while I believe he is the Healer, I know it’s not always a quick fix that’s as simple as a single prayer that appropriates the manifestation of divine healing.

When You Feel Helpless in Life

Sometimes, when you feel helpless, there’s a pressing kind of work to be done, a kind of prayer that wrestles and doesn’t relent.

I don’t pretend to have it figured out, and I’m glad my God is too big for my finite mind to grasp. In light of all these things, our child’s medical situation reminds me that sometimes we’re helpless, but sometimes . . . we’re not.

Here are four things to do when you feel helpless:

1. Resist despair when you feel helpless.

Most of us will stand on the precipice of the valley of despair at some point. We’ll consider diving in.

This valley looks like discouragement, self-pity, doubt, and despair. It looks like giving up when you feel helpless.

There are some pits that come without warning, and we fall in before we realize we’ve hit the bottom. Other pits seem to cry out to us.

It seems tempting to give in to self-pity when things aren’t going well – when we feel helpless. I stared into the pit when we were fighting for healing for our sweet child. But I chose to keep fighting. I chose to resist the pit.

Do what you can to keep from giving up – to keep from plunging into the pit of those who have quit.

You resist the pit when you turn your face like flint and refuse to even consider the option of giving up. Literally, turn around and walk away from the option. As you walk, sing songs of praise. Thank God that he is still on his throne. And maybe open your eyes and do this . . .

2. Look for someone to love.

Life is hard.

Everyone faces brokenness.

When you feel helpless in life, look for someone else who needs your love.

Show up without cliches. Resist the urge to fix their lives.

Just show up.

Stepping into the pain of others is often the greatest gift we can offer through seasons of grief and despair. Showing up and letting our hearts break as we stand overlooking the chasm of things we can’t fix feels a little helpless. It’s not really helpless at all.

3. Do what’s next.

Those who have slipped into the pit know all about staring at what needs to be done but finding no motivation to actually do it. There are times when the best thing to do is get out of bed, get off the couch, and go wash the dishes or sweep the floor. Doing what needs to be done next in your life refutes the helplessness that paralyzes you.

Stand up.

Brush your teeth.

Get dressed.

Check the mail.

Pay a bill.

Simply make up your mind to keep doing what you know to do, and trust that God really is working in the parts of your life where you feel most out of control. #encounteringGod #helpless #outofcontrol #surrender Share on X

4. Take one step toward your goal.

Start small.

Regardless of the goal, taking the first step is the only way to get there.

Every marathon begins with one single step.

Make the phone call to get the ball rolling.

Fill out the application, even if it all feels futile.

Write the paper’s first sentence, and even if it’s terrible, you can go back and correct it later.

God does not despise your small beginnings.

Esther Emery offers insight into those times when we feel helpless. These words resonate because they hold truth: The scariest thing is not the way in which we are entirely helpless, but the way in which we are not.

It’s when we realize that there is something we can do that life often feels overwhelming.

The good news is that the most important thing we can do is always available, regardless of the state of our bodies or external circumstances: We can always pray.

We are even admonished to pray always. Praying breaks up the fallow ground of lands that lay dormant. Praying prepares the land to bear fruit. Praying shapes our hard hearts and makes them look more like our Maker.

When you feel helpless, begin with prayer. Inch toward a goal. Do what needs to be done. Guard your feet against slipping into despair. And look for someone to love by simply standing with them.

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