Help, I Feel Like I Don't Fit in

The scents of vanilla bean body spray and cherry blossom lotion waft through the door before I even enter the room. I hear them laughing, talking about children, and discussing essential oils as I pass through the threshold. It’s my first meeting with the Moms’ Group, and familiar anxiety rises in my chest. I wonder where I’ll sit and immediately feel like I don’t fit in here.

I scan the room as I wait in line to fill out my nametag. My box-like letters look like they were penned by an eight-year-old boy, while the other women etch their letters with elegant calligraphy.

Awesome.

Why did I not take cursive class more seriously in third grade?

Scanning the room for an open seat, I decide I’d probably fit in better at the men’s chili cook-off.

I’m into sports, camping, fishing, hiking, jogging shoes, ball caps, and T-shirts. I’m woodsy and sporty. And I feel like I don’t fit in here.

Help, I feel like I don’t fit in . . .

I’m pushing my tomboy thoughts to the back of my mind when I remember. I remember the truth I try to embrace in every social situation: I’m not here to feel included; I’m here to love others well.

The insecure part of me looks around and thinks, “Who will make me feel included?”

Meanwhile, the Spirit-led part of me whispers: “I’m not called to fit in; I’m called to extend love and kindness to others.”

Insecurity whispers, “Please include me.”

Jesus-in-me whispers, “Who can I include and welcome?”

I listen to these words as I pick my seat among the women.

I notice an empty seat among a chatty group of women in the center of the room.

“Oh no,” I think, “this is not what I was hoping for.” Am I really going to saunter over to this group in my too-tight skinny jeans, plaid shirt, and loose bun, and join in?

I walk to the table, and the kind women tell me that the seat is open. They welcome me with smiles and warm greetings.

I join in the conversation, and we talk for a few minutes. The speaker interrupts our conversation, and I sigh at the reprieve of forced silence for the next half-hour.

Even when I feel like I don’t fit in, I am still called to be my real self.

The speaker concludes her talk and encourages us to discuss some weighty issues. She wants us to talk about balancing motherhood with passions that aren’t connected to being moms. The women at my table seem reluctant to open up, and I sense a nudge in my heart: Be real with these women. They need it.

Most of us are good at wearing masks. We cover ourselves in foundation, concealer, eyeliner, and mascara. We make sure our hair looks good and our clothes fit perfectly. (Read here for 5 reasons to show up and be the real you.)

What if taking off my mask will allow these women to shed theirs as well?

I ponder the question and scratch my loose bun, staring down at my frumpy flannel. I’ve always loved plaid.

The Gift of Being Real

Asking God for courage, I open up. I tell my new friends about my exhaustion. I’m honest about my failures. I tell them about the chocolate I eat at night. The way I snap at my kids when I’m tired.

I love being a mom. My years as a mom have been the best of my life. But there’s so much gritty, unseen work that no one knows about. So many days, I pray for my husband to come home from work and offer some relief. Motherhood isn’t an easy calling. (Join me here, tired mom, for more encouragement.)

My vulnerability opens the floodgates. The beautiful moms with their perfect makeup are weeping as they share the same struggles. They’re honest about their failures, their lack of satisfaction, and the places they turn when they feel empty.

Our group lingers into late morning, after the meeting has ended and the men come to put the tables away. We pray, cry, laugh, and share. We exchange phone numbers and arrange playdates. Something profound has transpired.

How to Carry God’s Love into the World

The fruit of that honest morning continues to ripple into my life now, years later.

Sometimes, I still walk into crowded rooms and feel like I don’t fit in. Nonetheless, I’m learning to push through the discomfort and offer others the gift of my authentic self. Every time I push through the awkwardness, even when I feel like I don’t fit in, I find rewards on the other side.

The next time you feel awkward or feel like you don’t fit in, I encourage you to shift your focus. Turn your eyes away from yourself and ask God to show you someone to love and encourage. This is how we overcome the fear of not fitting in. This is how we carry God’s love into the world.

The next time you feel awkward or feel like you don't fit in, I encourage you to shift your focus. Turn your eyes away from yourself and ask God to show you someone to love and encourage. #fittingin Share on X

Calling All Parents (and Grandparents)!

As the parent of two sons and a daughter, I have a heart for helping parents develop deeper relationships with their children and with God. Our kids, ages 6, 11, and 15, share this vision. They have helped me write three family devotionals for parents or older relatives to read with the children and teens they love. You can find all three books here or read more below.

Attention All Boy Moms (and Dads)!

God’s Warrior: Devotions for Boys Who Want to Grow in Courage and Strength helps young boys, ages 5-13, learn what it means to trust God and become strong warriors for his kingdom. Now, more than ever, our world needs men who are willing to boldly carry God’s love into the world. I wrote this boys’ devotional book with our two young sons, Aiden and Caleb, ages six and eleven! You’ll enjoy their honesty as we teach boys how to be strong warriors for the Lord. Find this life-changing devotional book here.

Mother-Daughter Devotionals by a Mom and Daughter

Girl to Girl: 60 Mother-Daughter Devotions for a Closer Relationship and Deeper Faith is written for girls ages 7-12. It includes 60 devotions with Scripture, conversation starters, and a shared journaling section for moms and daughters after each devotion. I wrote this book with the help of our daughter, Bekah, when she was eleven. Find this one-of-a-kind shared devotional here.

Heart to Heart: A Mother-Daughter Devotional With 50 Devotions for Teen Girls is for teenage girls ages 13-20. It includes 50 devotions, each with a shared journaling section to help moms and daughters connect through writing. This is a great book for moms who want to communicate about awkward topics—like dating, sexuality, peer pressure, and more—but don’t know where to start. Bekah and I will help you right here.

Find Our Family Devotionals Here

Find all three books right here. They are also free on the Kindle Unlimited plan, which you can enjoy with a free three-month trial! These books make great gifts, and you don’t need to be the parent of young children to read them. Share them with your grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or the young ones you love.

A Free Devotional to Help You Find Hope in the Lord

I invite you to create space for God to transform your life by downloading a free copy of my devotional eBook, The Lean Into Grace Devotional: An 8-Day Devotional for Healing, Deliverance, and Replenishment. Find it for free here. I also offer a library of free online devotional eBooks for free. I invite you to explore the collection right here!