How to Feel Your Feelings but Stand on the Truth

She pedals alongside me on her purple princess bike as I push her cheese-curl-munching brother in the faded brown stroller. I have no idea she’s about to teach me a very grown-up lesson about how to feel your feelings. Little ones seem to have a way of imparting life lessons without knowing it.

“I’ve decided not to let myself miss Daddy today,” she says.

Her dad has been out of town for work for three days, and we have three more to go.

“Why’s that?” I probe.

“When I let myself miss him, it just ruins the day. I was sad all day yesterday, so I’ve decided not to be sad today,” she thoughtfully explains. She’s eight, and she’s sure she has life figured out.

I mull over her words as we walk through the beech woods. I think of the recent words of a friend who reminded me that “feelings are meant to be felt.”

Why You Need to Feel Your Feelings

I’m a lot like my daughter. I’d rather sweep my feelings under the nearest rug and pretend everything’s fine than get stuck in a rut of sadness or negativity.

At the same time, life has taught me that sweeping my emotions under the rug isn’t as effective as it seems. Sooner or later, those emotions come creeping out. I find myself unfurling over socks balled up on the living room floor or crumbs on the table when what I’m really feeling is pent-up grief over a wound I never brought into the light.

“I have an idea,” I say to the sweet girl whose mind is set on having a good day. “Feelings are meant to be felt. Maybe you should go ahead and feel your feelings for a bit. When something is bothering me, I give myself time to actually feel it. I think through it. Then, I bring that feeling to God and ask him to speak truth into it. I stand on the truth instead of standing on the feeling.”

Sweet Bekah understands what I’m saying and agrees it’s a good idea.

For five minutes, the three of us continue down the bike trail and list everything we miss about Daddy. Caleb jumps in with input about wrestling, puppies, and books. We let ourselves feel what we feel. When our time of sadness is over, we return to what is true: The joy of the Lord is our strength, even when circumstances aren’t ideal (see Nehemiah 8:10).

How to Feel Your Feelings

I am reminded of the importance of acknowledging my emotions and then standing on the truth. If you’re walking through a difficult season or are simply worn down from the daily wounds of living in a broken world, here are four steps to feel what you feel but stand on the truth:

1. Name Your Emotions

Grief and trauma therapists contend that our everyday lives hold enough painful moments that we would all benefit from taking a few minutes at the end of each day to identify and name our emotions in the presence of God.

Bekah and I often walk through an exercise we call “Happy-Sad” at the end of the day. We ask God to remind us of one moment that made us happy throughout the day and one moment that made us sad.

We let ourselves examine our emotions.

We’re honest about how we felt and why.

We don’t try to hide or bury any sense of shame, disappointment, embarrassment, inadequacy, or rejection. We feel it.

After we feel it, we remind ourselves of the truth of God’s Word, which is stronger and more powerful than any emotions. We feel what we feel, but we stand on what is True.

2. Validate Your Emotions

Throughout most of my life, I did everything I could to talk myself out of any of the negative emotions listed above.

I thought that feeling disappointed, embarrassed, ashamed, or less-than meant I was weak. I wanted to be a strong, independent woman, so I pushed aside emotions that felt even slightly feeble and scolded myself for being so wimpy.

It’s been a long journey to recognize that sometimes, the strongest thing a woman can do is look straight into an emotion, let herself feel the brunt of it, and sit with it.

Sitting with our emotions doesn’t mean we get stuck in discouragement or despair. It simply means that it’s okay to feel less-than when no one likes your idea. It’s okay to feel left out when your friends have a girls’ night out and fail to invite you. It’s okay to feel disappointed when your plans fall to pieces.

Sometimes, the strongest thing a woman can do is look straight into an emotion, let herself feel the brunt of it, and sit with it. #feelyourfeelings #standonTruth #Godislove Share on X

3. Feel Your Feelings with the Healer

If we stop after Step 2, we very well might remain stuck in despair.

For this reason, God longs to reveal himself as the Great Healer. He calls us to bring him our cares and petitions (see 1 Peter 5:7, Philippians 4:6-7). He is gentle, and he is so attentive that he counts and collects our tears (see Psalm 56:8).

Bring your raw emotions to God and ask him to speak wisdom into your life.

Ask him to show you what you need to know about your pain.

He knows. He can give you the perspective to help you process your pain and speak truth into your brokenness.

4. Speak Truth to Your Emotions

Once you have carried your emotions to God, ask him to give you the truth you need to stand on in the midst of your difficult season.

Search Scripture for direct words that speak to your circumstances.

Commit those words to memory, and repeat them as often as needed.

Brain research shows we can literally rewire our brains. Dwell on the painful emotions that create toxic thoughts in your brain, and you cultivate negativity. Choose to dwell on what is true, right, pure, and admirable, and you create healthy new brain matter. You can form a new thought in your brain by repeating true statements seven times per day over a period of 21 days.¹

^~~~
Darrell returns from his trip after three days which feel much longer than three days, and we’re all thrilled he’s home. It was good to miss him, but it was good to stand on the truth in the midst of our emotions as well.

A Free Devotional for You

Are you ready for a fresh breath of hope to help you through a difficult season? Rays of Light for the Dark Days is my free online devotional for hope and healing. This devotional offers powerful inspiration to help you through life’s trials. It is yours by clicking here.

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Calling all moms and daughters!

Additionally, my teen daughter, Bekah, and I are passionate about helping moms and daughters grow closer while connecting with God. We have written two mother-daughter devotionals together. Girl to Girl: 60 Mother-Daughter Devotions for a Closer Relationship and Deeper Faith is written for girls ages 7-12. It includes 60 devotions with Scripture, conversation starters, and a shared journaling section after each devotion.

Heart to Heart: A Mother-Daughter Devotional With 50 Devotions for Teen Girls is for teenage girls ages 13-20. It includes 50 devotions, each with a shared journaling section to help moms and daughters connect through writing. This is a great book for moms who want to communicate about awkward topics—like dating, purity, peer pressure, and more—but don’t know where to start. We will help you!

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