How to Have More Motherhood Joy in Challenging Seasons

A quiet undercurrent has been calling me into its flow throughout the past season. It’s a gentle voice that whispers, “Let these struggles of motherhood soften you. Lean into the transformation. In doing so, you will cultivate a deeper sense of motherhood joy.”

Cultivating Motherhood Joy

It is a gentle call to let these uncertain times chisel my rough edges, to learn to be a woman with less grit and more grace.

Granted, throughout most of my life, my grit has served me well. My grit is my tenacity, my determination, my commitment to stay the course on the most rugged trails—my eyes fixed on the horizon, zeal goading me forward.

The world applauds my grit, and I like the applause—a little too much. At times, my grit starts to feel like the truest thing about me.

Granted, it’s not bad to have a little grit. To be the one who cheers the team on from behind.

Nevertheless, I ask myself, Do I really want to get to the end of my life and realize the truest thing about me was my stubborn determination to barrel forward toward my goals at all costs?

Maybe.

But maybe not.

Maybe finishing the task at all costs isn’t really the most important thing.

Maybe drive and determination are important, but not the most important.

I can push and strive after good things, but if I hurt people in the process of bringing outcomes to pass, I’m not living a life of love.

More Grace, Less Grit

More than being gritty, I want to be loving.

At times, love looks like grit.

But for a woman like me, a woman who tends to get caught up in what she can get done, learning to extend more grace in my life is what will deepen my love the most.

Maybe you can relate.

Maybe you are intense, good at keeping all the full plates spinning in your life, and passionate about everything you set your heart and mind to do.

These are some of your strongest character traits, and they are godly traits.

If so, I stand with you.

But if you’re like me, these strong character traits sometimes lead you to forget all about keeping the main thing the main thing. You tend to get so caught up doing it all that you are rarely fully present in your moments—loving others by extending the grace they desperately need from you.

If this strikes a chord, here are a few things I’ve learned about cultivating deeper joy in both motherhood and in life:

1. We cultivate motherhood joy by laying down the idol of perfectionism.

When we extend grace, we don’t expect ourselves or others to perform perfectly.

We cast down the critical spirit that wants to tell our kids and our husbands and our friends exactly how they should load the dishwasher, fold the laundry, or do life.

A few months ago, I read Psalm 46:10 in the Hebrew translation from the Jewish Publication Society’s Bible.

A more accurate translation of this familiar abjuration (“be still and know that I am God”) is, “let be and know that I am God.”

What do you need to let be in your life?

Where do you need to open your clenched fists and let it be? Where do you need to lighten up and accept imperfection? Have you been trying to control outcomes that are not yours to control or manage?

2. We cultivate motherhood joy by taking ourselves less seriously.

Additionally, instead of yelling over the messes in our home and the plans that unravel, I am learning to laugh more often.

I’m learning to hold my plans more loosely, and I’m failing as often as I’m finding victory. Nevertheless, I’m smiling about this, too. I’m a work in progress.

Most of us could use a good dose of playfulness.

(Read about the day my young daughter taught me what to say instead of speaking angry words here.)

3. We increase joy by learning to thank our bodies for their efforts.

I’ve also learned that my joy increases when I’m kind to my body.

Most women are quick to notice everything they don’t like about their bodies when they stand in front of full-length mirrors. We are critical of our bodies. Some of us even feel like our bodies have turned against us.

What if, instead of punishing our bodies with unhealthy deprivation or compulsive eating (two opposite but equally destructive responses to the same underlying critical spirit), we thanked our bodies?

Our bodies have served us well.

They have birthed babies, worked long hours, carried us thousands of miles, and held us up under pressure.

What if we were a little more gentle with our bodies—treating our bodies like our precious friends? What if we learned to care for our bodies in the ways we care for the most precious children in our lives?

I’d probably stop shoving junk food into my mouth to escape my emotions.

I’d exercise for the simple sake of caring for my body.

I would prioritize rest, stop skipping annual physicals with doctors, and slow down.

What about you?

4. We expand our capacity for joy in motherhood by focusing on gentleness.

As I learn to live with less grit and more grace, I am focusing on gentleness.

The greatest gift I can offer others is a gentle answer—a smile and a playful wave of the hand when making light of a situation is more beneficial than speaking a harsh word.

I’m learning to be gentle with my kids and my husband.

I’m recognizing that this gentleness is blessing my family, and it is also blessing me. Our home is more peaceful. My heart is at rest.

5. We learn to listen well.

I want to be a woman who listens well.

I want to be slow to add my opinions to a situation and quick to understand the heart and mind of the person in front of me.

I’ve been slowing down to listen to my kids. I’ve been turning away from the kitchen sink to hear about their days.

I have also been putting down my phone and turning off the TV in the evenings. Our family is engaging differently. We are listening to one another. In the meantime, joy and peace abound in our home.

6. We increase our capacity for motherhood joy by relinquishing our desires for power and control.

When I’m brutally honest about the times I lose it with my kids, it’s usually because someone isn’t conforming to my idea of how our day is supposed to go.

I yell because I want power and control.

Somebody asks me about screen time for the tenth time of the morning.

My quiet time is interrupted by a sibling squabble.

Someone spills an entire bowl of cereal and milk on a clean bedspread.

I don’t yell because of the accident, but because of the work I must now do to clean it, which is an interruption to what I was doing.

As I aim to cultivate deeper motherhood joy, I’m learning that a sense of losing control of my plans is always an invitation to practice keeping control of my emotions.

I was never the One in control anyway. Every interruption is one more opportunity to return to the Lord in surrender.

Every interruption is one more opportunity to return to the One who holds my day in the palm of his hands. #interruptions #control Share on X

A Free Devotional to Help You Cultivate Motherhood Joy:

Would you like to connect with God in ways that breathe fresh life into your weary soul? The Weary Woman’s 20-Day Devotional is my free online devotional to help you connect with God in your weary seasons. You will find 20 daily readings to help you find refreshment in God’s presence. Click here and I’ll send it to your email inbox today!

These Two Books are Free on Kindle Unlimited as eBooks and Also Available in Print:

God wants to work in your life to accomplish what you’ve been unable to do through willpower alone. Lean Into Grace: Let God’s Grace Heal Your Heart, Refresh Your Soul, and Set You Free shares practical ways to experience God’s freedom, healing, power, and presence in your life. Find this life-changing book in eBook form for free on the Kindle Unlimited Plan or for 12.99 in print right here. (You can sign up for a free three-month Kindle Unlimited trial if you are not a member.) This book will transform your life and revitalize your relationship with the Lord!

Calling All Moms and Daughters!

Additionally, my 12-year-old daughter, Bekah, and I wrote a mother-daughter devotional book to help mothers and daughters grow closer together while connecting with God. Girl to Girl: 60 Mother-Daughter Devotions for a Closer Relationship and Deeper Faith includes 60 devotions with Scripture, commentaries from both of us, conversation starters, and even a shared journaling section. Multitudes of mothers, daughters, mentors, and younger women are being transformed by this book! You can find this book in eBook form for free on the Kindle Unlimited Plan or buy a print copy for 11.99 right here.