How to Have More Patience With My Child: 8 Tips
It’s 8:00 p.m. on a Saturday, and I need a talking break. I’ve been answering questions almost incessantly for the past 14 hours. I can’t help but wonder how the question-asker hasn’t worn down yet, but he’s going strong. I’m learning how to have more patience with my child, and I’m failing more than I’m flourishing.
We’re driving home from a visit with Grandma and Grandpa when the questions begin again from the backseat.
“Mom, how do they make seatbelts?” he wants to know.
“Geez. Do you ever stop talking?” his older sister barks.
I feel her pain and try to shoot her a sympathetic glance in the rearview mirror, but it’s too dark.
“Mom, Bekah’s bein’ mean to me,” the question-asker tattles as if I didn’t hear her.
It appears we’re on the brink of an argument, so I cut it off with the few words I can find in my exasperated brain: “Bekah, be nice. How about we play The Quiet Game?”
The Quiet Game is our go-to when one of us starts feeling overwhelmed by too much conversation. Usually, the game is mentioned in the middle of someone else’s monologue about Holstein cows, deer hunting, or Minecraft. It’s our polite way of saying, “Please stop talking now.”
“I don’t want to play The Quiet Game. This is important,” the question-asker declares in a whiny voice.
“Ugh. Can you please just stop?” his big sister repeats.
How to Have More Patience With My Child
“Everybody, be quiet. We’re done. No more talking!” I yell.
Quiet sobs come from the direction of the question-asker, and the vehicle grows silent.
“Bak, bak,” the one-year-old interjects in the sudden moment of serenity (when given a topic of conversation, he always selects chickens).
“You hurt my feelings,” the question-asker mumbles softly.
It’s his new favorite thing to say. He speaks these words when he’s been disciplined, when he loses his screen time, and also when he has a justifiable reason to be hurt, kind of like this.
“Quiet!” I snap.
More sobs.
We listen to the baby chicken bak, bak, bak the rest of the way home, and no one else says a word.
How to have more patience with my child: 8 Tips #parenting #patience Share on XHow to Have More Patience With My Child: 8 Insights
Most parents can relate to this moment I described above. Parenting his hard. It stretches the limits of human patience repeatedly, and being patient with our kids is not easy.
Let’s look at eight ways to be more patient.
1. Identify your triggers.
Knowing what upsets you can be the first step to mitigating the headwinds of impatience.
When these situations arise, it’s helpful to have a plan for pausing and returning to peace.
For example, I lose my patience in the following scenarios: when more than one child is talking to me at a time; when bickering goes on for more than a few minutes; when someone makes a mess and doesn’t clean it up.
In these moments, I try to pause, step away from the situation, and return to peace before addressing it.
This leads to our next point.
2. Return to peace.
When we feel impatient, it’s important to step away and calm our nervous systems.
Whenever possible, after being triggered, step away from the situation. Take a few deep breaths. Imagine being in a serene place or revisit a memory that feels restorative.
The key here is to calm the limbic system and activate neuropathways for relational connection, moving out of fight or flight mode.
3. Set a boundary.
When you can’t leave the situation, verbally set a boundary.
I typically say, “I need it quiet for two minutes because I’m getting upset.” I then take two minutes to focus on breathing and calm myself.
If the kids refuse to be quiet for those minutes, there are serious consequences, usually involving the loss of privileges later in the day.
4. Ask God for help.
The Bible tells us to pray without stopping.
Quickly asking God for help can help you respond with patience in frustrating moments.
5. Prepare for impatient moments before they take place.
At the beginning of each day, I try to set aside a few minutes to mentally walk through the predictable events of the day.
This includes moments when my kids push my buttons.
I imagine responding to them gently instead of angrily. Mentally rehearsing these moments helps me make the right choice when the moments arise.
6. Extend grace to yourself.
We cannot offer to others what we have not first offered to ourselves.
You will not be the perfect parent. Learn to extend grace to yourself in the moments when you snap.
7. Teach your kids that you need Jesus, too.
Every failed moment of parenthood is an opportunity to say, “I still need Jesus to help me every day. We all need Jesus.”
This teaches your kids not to fear failure but to continue turning to Jesus for help.
8. Ask God to help you love your kids as if you are directly loving Jesus.
This last point requires a longer explanation. I invite you to return to my home after my frustrating moment in the car, and we’ll talk about seeing our kids differently.
~~~
An hour later, the kids are tucked into their beds, and I find space to breathe deeply. As has become my end-of-the-day routine, I rest my head on the pillow and ask for insight into the highs and lows of the day.
I’m reviewing the day in the light of the Lord’s presence when the difficult moment on the way home from Grandma and Grandpa’s house comes to mind. A single thought floats through my mind: What if the question-asker had been Jesus?
I imagine Jesus’ mother, Mary. I wonder what it was like to raise the Messiah. Did she ever snap at him?
I wonder if she answered all of his questions all day long without losing her cool.
Most of all, I wonder if I would treat my son differently if I knew he happened to be God-in-the-flesh.
Friend, how would you parent differently if you knew you were parenting God’s Son, the Savior of the world? Would you yell less if you knew you were yelling at Jesus? Would you answer in gentler tones?
I would.
How to Have More Patience With My Child: Redefine “The Least of These”
Let’s visit a familiar verse together: “Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it for one of the least of these brothers or sisters of Mine, you did it for Me” (Matthew 25:40).
I have applied this verse to much of my outward ministry. Until very recently, it has never once crossed my mind that my very own children are “the least of these.”
No, my kids aren’t orphans struggling to survive long days in a Russian orphanage.
They’re not homeless people living on the streets.
They’re not suffering in prison or struggling with starvation on a Guatemalan mountainside.
But they are souls in desperate need of a Savior, and they need a Savior just as much as the homeless, the prisoners, and the orphans.
Who Are “The Least of These”
Your children are the least of these as well. They are souls in desperate need of a Savior.
Somehow, it feels much nobler to journey across the globe on a mission and “love the least of these” in some forsaken slum than it feels to patiently answer my six-year-old son’s 200th question of the day.
Nevertheless, Scripture makes it very clear: Treat “the least of these” well, and you treat Jesus well; treat “the least of these” poorly, and you treat Jesus poorly.
It feels much nobler to journey across the globe and “love the least of these” in some forsaken slum than it feels to patiently answer my six-year-old son’s 200th question of the day. #Godslove Share on XOn some level, we all know we should treat our closest people well. We know we should love them as if we’re loving Jesus himself. But how often do we pause and consider how our behavior might change if we knew we were encountering the incarnate God?
Seeing Jesus When You Look at Your Kids
This thought takes me back to Mary. I’m not sure what a day in the life of a Jewish mama looked like 2,000 years ago. I imagine there were aspects of Mary’s daily grind that parallel my own.
Mary washed stinky little boy clothes. She prepared and cleaned up meals in a never-ending cycle. She probably even answered hundreds of questions from curious little boys.
I like to imagine Mary raised Jesus with patience, kindness, and gentleness. Jesus loved her very much. We have every reason to believe Mary was an attentive, compassionate, and loving mom.
What does this all have to do with you and me?
How to Have More Patience With My Child: Imagine You’re Responding to Jesus
Is your child in the middle of a meltdown? Respond as if you’re responding to Jesus.
Are you exhausted from cleaning up your family’s messes? Get down on your hands and knees and wipe up the applesauce as if you’re cleaning up after Jesus.
Are you weary from the non-stop talking coming from someone close to you? Imagine you are gazing into the eyes of Jesus, answering his questions.
Imagine your closest people are Jesus, and you might just snap a lot less. You might exude warmth in the face of frustration. You’ll probably exude kindness, compassion, gentleness, and patience. You will likely put the needs of your closest people before your own needs, and you might not even grumble about it.
As I write these words, a one-year-old has awoken from his nap 30 minutes earlier than planned. He calls from his crib. I was hoping to finish writing, drink a slow cup of coffee, and slip away into the pages of a new book for a while.
Instead, I set aside the coffee mug and go to the little one. I shift my focus and give thanks for the humble opportunity to serve him.
Want to learn how to be a more patient mom? Ask God to help you see Jesus in those who cross your path. Your life will be forever changed.
How to have more patience with my child: 8 Tips #parenting #patience Share on XCalling All Parents and Grandparents!
As the parent of two sons and a daughter, I have a heart for helping parents develop deeper relationships with their children and with God. Our kids, ages 6, 11, and 15, share this vision. They have helped me write three family devotionals for parents or older relatives to read with the children and teens they love. You can find all three books here or read more below.
Attention All Boy Moms (and Dads)!
God’s Warrior: Devotions for Boys Who Want to Grow in Courage and Strength helps young boys, ages 5-13, learn what it means to trust God and become strong warriors for his kingdom. Now, more than ever, our world needs men who are willing to boldly carry God’s love into the world. I wrote this boys’ devotional book with our two young sons, Aiden and Caleb, ages six and eleven! You’ll enjoy their honesty as we teach boys how to be strong warriors for the Lord. Find this life-changing devotional book here.
Mother-Daughter Devotionals by a Mom and Daughter
Girl to Girl: 60 Mother-Daughter Devotions for a Closer Relationship and Deeper Faith is written for girls ages 7-12. It includes 60 devotions with Scripture, conversation starters, and a shared journaling section for moms and daughters after each devotion. I wrote this book with the help of our daughter, Bekah, when she was eleven. Find this one-of-a-kind shared devotional here.
Heart to Heart: A Mother-Daughter Devotional With 50 Devotions for Teen Girls is for teenage girls ages 13-20. It includes 50 devotions, each with a shared journaling section to help moms and daughters connect through writing. This is a great book for moms who want to communicate about awkward topics—like dating, sexuality, peer pressure, and more—but don’t know where to start. Bekah and I will help you right here.
Find Our Family Devotionals Here
Find all three books right here. They are also free on the Kindle Unlimited plan, which you can enjoy with a free three-month trial! These books make great gifts, and you don’t need to be the parent of young children to read them. Share them with your grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or the young ones you love.
Learn Why Willpower Doesn’t Work and Experience God’s Deliverance and Healing
God wants to work in your life to accomplish what you’ve been unable to do through willpower alone. Lean Into Grace: Let God’s Grace Heal Your Heart, Refresh Your Soul, and Set You Free shares practical ways to experience God’s freedom, healing, power, and presence in your life. Find this life-changing book as a free eBook on Kindle Unlimited or for 12.99 in print right here. (If you do not have Kindle Unlimited, you can try it out with a free three-month trial!) This book will transform your life and revitalize your relationship with the Lord!
A Free Devotional to Help You Connect With God
God is a good Father, and he wants us to experience his healing, deliverance, and replenishment. Most of us have learned that we cannot heal, deliver, or refresh ourselves; we need God to do this work within us. I invite you to create space for God to transform your life by downloading a free copy of my devotional eBook, The Lean Into Grace Devotional: An 8-Day Devotional for Healing, Deliverance, and Replenishment. Find it for free here. I also offer a library of free online devotional eBooks for free. I invite you to explore the collection right here! 
