How to Be a More Patient Mom When Parenting Is Hard
It’s 8:00 p.m. on a Saturday, and I need a talking break. I’ve been answering questions almost incessantly for the past 14 hours. I can’t help but wonder how the question-asker hasn’t worn down yet, but he’s going strong. I’m learning how to be a more patient mom through the refining fire of parenthood, and I’m failing more than I’m flourishing.
We’re driving home from a visit with Grandma and Grandpa when the questions begin again from the backseat.
“Mom, how do they make seatbelts?” he wants to know.
“Geez. Do you ever stop talking?” his older sister barks.
I feel her pain and try to shoot her a sympathetic glance in the rearview mirror, but it’s too dark.
“Mom, Bekah’s bein’ mean to me,” the question-asker tattles as if I didn’t hear her.
It appears we’re on the brink of an argument, so I cut it off with the few words I can find in my exasperated brain: “Bekah, be nice. How about we play The Quiet Game?”
The Quiet Game is our go-to when one of us starts feeling overwhelmed by too much conversation. Usually, the game is mentioned in the middle of someone else’s monologue about Holstein cows, deer hunting, or Minecraft. It’s our polite way of saying, “Please stop talking now.”
“I don’t want to play The Quiet Game. This is important,” the question-asker declares in a whiny voice.
“Ugh. Can you please just stop?” his big sister repeats.
How to Be a More Patient Mom
“Everybody, be quiet. We’re done. No more talking!” I yell.
Quiet sobs come from the direction of the question-asker, and the vehicle grows silent.
“Bak, bak,” the one-year-old interjects in the sudden moment of serenity (when given a topic of conversation, he always selects chickens).
“You hurt my feelings,” the question-asker mumbles softly.
It’s his new favorite thing to say. He speaks these words when he’s been disciplined, when he loses his screen time, and also when he has a justifiable reason to be hurt, kind of like this.
“Quiet!” I snap.
More sobs.
We listen to the baby chicken bak, bak, bak the rest of the way home, and no one else says a word.
How to Be a More Patient Mom by Changing the Way You See Your Kids
An hour later, the kids are tucked into their beds, and I find space to breathe deeply and lean into the presence of the Lord. As has become my end-of-the-day routine, I rest my head on the pillow and ask for insight into the highs and lows of the day.
I’m reviewing the day in the light of the Lord’s presence when the difficult moment on the way home from Grandma and Grandpa’s house comes to mind. A single thought floats through my mind: What if the question-asker had been Jesus?
I imagine Jesus’ mother, Mary. I wonder what it was like to raise the Messiah. Did she ever snap at him?
I wonder if she answered all of his questions all day long without losing her cool.
Most of all, I wonder if I would treat my son differently if I knew he happened to be God-in-the-flesh.
Friend, how would you parent differently if you knew you were parenting God’s Son, the King of Kings, the Savior of the world? Would you yell less if you knew you were yelling at Jesus? Would you listen more attentively to the monologues that seem unending? I wonder if you’d answer all the questions with a pleasant tone and be slower to snap.
How would your life be different if your annoying coworker, nosy neighbor, or high-maintenance best friend were Jesus? Would you answer in gentler tones? Listen longer? Lend a helping hand more often?
I would.
We Learn How to Be More Patient When We Redefine “The Least of These”
Let’s visit a familiar verse together. This is a verse I’ve applied to my classroom of students, to the homeless on the streets of Brooklyn and Tijuana, and the young children living on mountainsides in Guatemala. It reads, “Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it for one of the least of these brothers or sisters of Mine, you did it for Me” (Matthew 25:40).
I have applied this verse to much of my outward ministry. Until very recently, it has never once crossed my mind that my very own children are “the least of these.”
No, my kids aren’t orphans struggling to survive long days in a Russian orphanage.
They’re not homeless people living on the streets.
They’re not suffering in prison or struggling with starvation on a Guatemalan mountainside.
But they are souls in desperate need of a Savior, and they need a Savior just as much as the homeless, the prisoners, and the orphans.
Who Are “The Least of These” . . .
Your coworkers, friends, and neighbors are the least of these as well. They are souls in desperate need of a Savior.
Somehow, it feels much nobler to journey across the globe on a mission and “love the least of these” in some forsaken slum than it feels to patiently answer my six-year-old son’s 200th question of the day.
Nevertheless, Scripture makes it very clear: Treat “the least of these” well, and you treat Jesus well; treat “the least of these” poorly, and you treat Jesus poorly.
It feels much nobler to journey across the globe and “love the least of these” in some forsaken slum than it feels to patiently answer my six-year-old son’s 200th question of the day. #Godslove Click To TweetOn some level, we all know we should treat our closest people well. We know we should love them as if we’re loving Jesus himself. But how often do we pause and consider how our behavior might change if we knew we were encountering the incarnate God?
Learn How to Be a More Patient Mom by Seeing Jesus When You Look at Your Kids
This thought takes me back to Mary. I’m not sure what a day in the life of a Jewish mama looked like 2,000 years ago. I imagine there were aspects of Mary’s daily grind that parallel my own. Mary washed stinky little boy clothes. She prepared and cleaned up meals in a never-ending cycle. She probably even answered hundreds of questions from curious little boys.
I like to imagine Mary raised Jesus with patience, kindness, and gentleness. Jesus loved her very much. We have every reason to believe Mary was an attentive, compassionate, and loving mom.
What does this all have to do with you and me?
I believe our lives, from our parenting to our social interactions outside the home, would be transformed if we daily reminded ourselves of our calling to love the least of these.
I believe we would be the mothers we long to be if we trained our minds to see Jesus when we looked at our children.
We would touch countless hearts for the kingdom of God if we saw Jesus in the eyes of every person we pass every day of our lives.
Pretend You’re Responding to Jesus
Is your child in the middle of a meltdown? Respond as if you’re responding to Jesus.
Are you exhausted from cleaning up your family’s messes? Get down on your hands and knees and wipe up the applesauce as if you’re cleaning up after Jesus.
Are you weary from the non-stop talking coming from someone close to you? Imagine you are gazing into the eyes of Jesus, answering his questions.
Imagine your closest people are Jesus, and I bet you’ll snap a lot less. I bet you’ll exude warmth in the face of frustration. You’ll probably exude kindness, compassion, gentleness, and patience. You will likely put the needs of your closest people before your own needs, and you might not even grumble about it.
Imagine your closest people are Jesus, and I bet you’ll snap a lot less. #patience #lovingJesus Click To TweetAs I write these words, a one-year-old has awoken from his nap 30 minutes earlier than planned. He calls from his crib. I was hoping to finish writing, drink a slow cup of coffee, and slip away into the pages of a new book for a while.
Instead, I set aside the coffee mug and go to the little one. I shift my focus and give thanks for the humble opportunity to serve him.
Want to learn how to be a more patient mom? Ask God to help you see Jesus in those who cross your path. Your life will be forever changed.
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Calling all moms and daughters!
Additionally, my 12-year-old daughter, Bekah, and I wrote a mother-daughter devotional book to help mothers and daughters grow closer together while connecting with God. Girl to Girl: 60 Mother-Daughter Devotions for a Closer Relationship and Deeper Faith includes 60 devotions with Scripture, commentaries from both of us, conversation starters, and even a shared journaling section. Multitudes of mothers, daughters, mentors, and younger women are being transformed by this book! You can buy your paperback or get your free Kindle Unlimited eBook on Amazon right here.
