Comparing Yourself to Others (By Bekah Pardoe)
Today, I’m thrilled to share a few thoughts from our teenage daughter, Bekah. This post on comparing ourselves to others comes directly from our book, Heart to Heart: A Mother-Daughter Devotional With 50 Devotions for Teen Girls.
Bekah’s words speak to most of the women I know and are a powerful reminder for us all.
Comparing Yourself to Others
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God does not see as man sees, since man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7
By Bekah Pardoe
Sometimes, I see images of models online or on TV and compare myself to them. These women are usually thin with big lips and small, button noses.
I know it’s ridiculous to compare myself to them, but it’s hard not to. When I catch myself wishing I looked like these models, I remind myself that God designed me to be the way I am for a reason.
God gave you unique features, too. You might feel like you have to look a certain way to be beautiful, but this isn’t true! Maybe you don’t like your freckles, your hair, or your nose. You might feel insecure about the shape or size of your body.
Most of us face self-critical thoughts at times. When these thoughts come to mind, remind yourself that God made you just the way you are for a specific reason.
God Looks at the Heart
You are unique for a purpose. If we all had the same features, this world would be a boring place. Everyone would look the same, and there would be no diversity. God wants you to embrace the way he made you.
Some teens try to cope with self-critical thoughts by starving themselves, working out too much, wearing lots of makeup, or dressing really stylishly to make up for what feels lacking. This is tempting.
Sadly, when we go to extreme measures to change the way we look, we often hurt ourselves. Depriving ourselves of food or exercising too much can hurt our bodies. Wearing lots of makeup or expensive clothes might make us feel good about ourselves, but God is more concerned about what’s on the inside than what’s on the outside.
Instead of comparing ourselves to others, what if we worked on our hearts? Imagine how different the world would be if we stopped focusing on outward appearances and tried to be more loving, kind, caring, and thoughtful!
Teen’s Reflection
Do you ever compare yourself to others and feel insecure? How do you try to compensate for these insecurities? In what ways would your life be different if you no longer felt insecure about your body?
Mom’s Reflection
After prayerfully responding to your daughter’s reflection, share one or two of your insecurities—past or present. Assure her that it’s normal to compare ourselves to others, but it’s best not to let these comparisons drive us to extreme insecurity or self-doubt. What have you learned about overcoming feelings of insecurity?
For More Insights on Comparing Yourself to Others Check Out Our Books
Bekah and I are passionate about helping moms and daughters grow closer while connecting with God. We have written two mother-daughter devotionals together. Girl to Girl: 60 Mother-Daughter Devotions for a Closer Relationship and Deeper Faith is written for girls ages 7-12. It includes 60 devotions with Scripture, conversation starters, and a shared journaling section after each devotion.
Heart to Heart: A Mother-Daughter Devotional With 50 Devotions for Teen Girls is for teenage girls ages 13-20. It includes 50 devotions, each with a shared journaling section to help moms and daughters connect through writing. This is a great book for moms who want to communicate about awkward topics—like dating, purity, peer pressure, and more—but don’t know where to start. We will help you!
If you’re not looking for a mother-daughter devotional, I also address the struggle with comparison in my women’s book, Lean Into Grace: Let God’s Grace Heal Your Heart, Refresh Your Soul, and Set You Free. Find all three of these books on Amazon right here.
7 Bible Verses on Comparing Yourself to Others
Before we go, this last section is not from our book, but we wanted to share some Scriptures on overcoming insecurity and avoiding comparing yourself to others. We invite you to soak in these truths about your unchanging identity in Christ.
1. Psalm 139:13
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.”
God created you just the way you are to fulfill his unique purpose for you in this world. You might feel like you don’t have what it takes to step into the calling he has placed in front of you.
When you’re feeling insecure, remind yourself that God doesn’t make mistakes. Every part of you is intended to help you fulfill his calling for you.
2. John 14:27
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”
Insecurities often steal our peace. The next time you feel insecure, ask Jesus to fill you with his peace.
It’s important to note that we often experience his peace most profoundly when we stop focusing on our insecurities and focus on loving the people around us. Instead of thinking about your insecurities, ask God to show you someone to love and encourage.
Instead of thinking about your insecurities, ask God to show you someone to love and encourage. #identity #GodsLove Share on X3. 1 Peter 2:9
“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.”
God has chosen you to carry his message to the world. If you are a follower of Christ, you are part of a holy nation. God has called you to be his light in this world. Ask him to show you how to carry this light into the world, and he will guide you.
4. 1 John 4:18
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”
God has not called you to walk in fear. Instead, he wants your identity as his beloved child to be so firmly imprinted on your heart that you don’t fear rejection.
When this happens, you will be free to love others openly, without needing to be loved or affirmed in return. This is true freedom.
5. Philippians 4:6
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
The next time you realize you’re comparing yourself to others, look to God. Ask him to help you stand firm in your identity as his precious child. He is waiting to answer this prayer.
6. Ephesians 6:12
“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
In insecure moments, you might feel like you’re in a battle against other people who are judging you. Instead of seeing others as adversaries, remind yourself that our battles are not against flesh and blood.
Satan prowls around the earth looking for people to destroy. If he can stop you from sharing the love of Christ by making you insecure, he is happy to do so.
7. 1 Samuel 16:7
“People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
When God chose young David to be the future king of Israel, he reminded him that he does not look at outward appearances. God looks at the heart. Remember this when you realize you’re falling into the comparison trap.
Your strength comes from God, and he wants to empower you from the inside out. Instead of focusing on outward appearances, stay close to God and ask him to fill you with his strength.
A Free Devotional to Set You Free From Comparison
Set Free: Let God Do What You Cannot explores ten realms in which most of us need God to work in our lives and bring deliverance. We’ll talk about finding freedom from fear, worry, insecurity, bad habits, emotional pain, and more. This short online devotional will bless you as you let God accomplish what you’ve been unable to achieve through willpower. Get your download for free with promo code GRACE right here.
