4 Practical Ways to Overcome Perfectionism
Life-sized murals of Sesame Street characters adorned the colorful walls of our pediatrician’s office. Seven-year-old Bekah sat beneath the vibrant cartoons as if she were a part of the show. Meanwhile, the nurse took her blood pressure and did all the routine screenings that come with an annual physical.
I watched her little face from the doorway of the examining room. She was poised and serious about getting it right. Our girl is a rule-follower, and while this is nothing short of delightful from a parenting perspective, we realize that it does have its challenges in life.
I contemplated these things as the nurse gently asked our sweet girl, “Honey, are you breathing?”
The nurse tried to hold back a giggle as Bekah shook her head and answered that no, she had not been breathing.
“Okay, well, go ahead and breathe, alright?” the nurse said with a smile.
Bekah nodded her little head.
Our sweet girl then proceeded to inhale an enormous, gasping breath, and her exaggerated breath mirrored someone who had been submerged in a swimming pool for too long. However, much to our dismay, she didn’t exhale. She just held that giant gasp in her lungs and sat waiting with the same serious look on her face.
The nurse couldn’t hold back her chuckle this time. “Go ahead and let it out,” she encouraged.
At this point, Bekah exhaled with another exaggerated expression, holding her breath again after emptying her lungs.
“Keep breathing,” the nurse encouraged.
Sometimes what we all really need most is just someone to remind us not to stop breathing.
Again, Bekah inhaled an enormous gasp like she was about to blow up a balloon.
By this point of the struggle, I wanted to shout from the doorway, “Just breathe normally, babe,” but I was laughing so hard that I had to step into the hallway. I wasn’t really laughing at Bekah. I was laughing because all too often, I do the exact same thing: I’m so caught up in being perfect that I completely paralyze myself and fail to perform at all.
The nurse finally managed to get the reading, and we exchanged smiles as we left the examining room.
Too often, we miss important moments when perfectionism paralyzes us and we decide not to breathe. #overcomingperfectionism Share on XSimple Steps to Help You Overcome Perfectionism
Something about the experience prompted me to start thinking about the inner perfectionist some of us have yet to overcome. Bekah comes by her perfectionism honestly; I’ve spent much of my life trying to be perfect.
Over the past few years, as I aim to exchange perfectionism for excellence, I’ve found a few strategies for changing this way of living. I still wrestle with perfectionism often, but these tips have helped in the process:
1. “Don’t pick it up.”
A friend once suggested that we inadvertently train ourselves to be perfect when we keep our houses, as well as other parts of our lives, pristine and flawless.
She encouraged me to leave something out of place at least once a day.
Whether it’s a miscellaneous piece of paper on the counter, dirt on the floor, or some random piece of children’s clothing in the backseat of the car, practice leaving it.
For the perfectionist, this can be very difficult; however, it trains the brain that it really is okay to let little things go every now and then. It’s possible to leave the paper, the dirt, or the miscellaneous piece of clothing out of place, and life goes on, often in a more balanced way.
2. Skip a day.
Many diet plans include a “free day,” a day when the diet rules don’t apply.
This free day keeps the dieter from giving up due to a sense of total deprivation.
In the same way, it’s healthy to skip a day in other pursuits: If you generally mop or do laundry or check social media every day of the week, try skipping a day.
Life will go on. Your grip on control will loosen.
3. Practice Sabbath to overcome perfectionism.
Similar to skipping a day, adhering to a day of Sabbath rest breaks the normal rhythms of our lives.
When our normal rhythms are perfectionistic, this can be a healthy way to reboot the system.
Some people suggest refraining from as many perfectionistic practices as possible one day per week. This could include exercise, meal prep, cleaning, shopping, and much more.
God ordained this day of rest to recharge and refocus our minds. He called us to this day to teach us to let go of our desires to accomplish outcomes without depending upon him. Taking a day off reminds us that we do not hold the world together, and we can trust the One who is working, even while we rest.
4. Overcome perfectionism by putting people ahead of tasks.
Some perfectionists struggle to put relationships over tasks.
I struggled with this throughout my career as a high school teacher. At the end of a long workday, I often typed lesson plans and progress reports on the computer. I wanted nothing more than to complete the task so that I could leave work.
When a talkative custodian walked into the room, I knew that every minute spent in friendly small talk would result in another minute finishing my work and delaying my departure.
It’s not easy to put people ahead of tasks, especially when completing a task means I get to leave work, relax, or rest.
Jesus set a good example in his ministry. Many of his ministry opportunities arose as interruptions. Again and again, he stopped and tended to the needs of the people before he carried on down the road to his destination.
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As we aim to overcome perfectionism, let’s not lose heart. Old ways die hard, but in time, we can change the inner rhythms of our minds as we allow the Lord to renew our thinking.
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