3 Ways to Let Go of Regret and Overcome Guilt
Thelma and I became friends when she was 94. I showed up at the nursing home one December evening with framed photos of angels and gave them to the elderly residents for Christmas. It was a quiet act of kindness, and I had no way of knowing that it would lead me to one day learn how to let go of regret in the face of heartache.
Thelma’s mind was sharp, and she was dressed like she was going to church the first night we met.
Her white hair was perfectly styled, her lipstick was bursting with color against her pale skin, and she wore nylons, heels, a skirt, and a silk shirt.
I wondered if she lived in that tiny room or was simply a visitor like me.
She assured me it was her home and made it very clear that she wasn’t happy about it. She told me the story of the day she hurt herself after falling down in her living room and how her family insisted on the move despite her ability to navigate throughout her house.
The walker by her chair told a different story.
From the day we met, I visited Thelma once a month for close to five years. I always found her sitting in her chair, dressed elegantly, listening to talk radio. She never failed to smile broadly and say, “Well, look what the cat dragged in!”
Throughout the years, we unveiled the details of our lives over countless hours of conversation: her early days of motherhood, the arthritis that swelled her knuckles, and her distaste for frozen, prepackaged meals.
I shared my heart too. I shared my struggles in the classroom as a teacher, the details of vacations with my husband, and the highs and lows of everyday life.
How to Let Go of Regret
It was a cool autumn day, windshield wipers sloshing buckets of rain from the smeared glass, when I drove across town to visit Thelma at the nursing home.
She was wearing a royal blue blouse with magenta flowers and a matching pink skirt that afternoon. There were crumbs on her lap, and her eyes looked weary.
After our normal greeting and my polite declination of a snack, we talked about the rain, the problems her son was having with his health, and why certain relatives seldom visited.
An hour later, she grabbed my hand as I headed for the door and said, “Be careful on the bridges and overpasses! And remember I’m always at your side, looking over your shoulder.” She sent me off with these reminders after our meetings every time.
I smiled, “You got it. I’ll see you later.”
I didn’t make it to see Thelma the next month. Illness kept me away, and a visit was on my mind when my mom called on a Saturday evening with the news from the obituary section of the local newspaper. Thelma had gone to be with the Lord.
The words stung like winter wind hitting damp skin. The emptiness of her death hurt, and there was no one with whom to grieve.
The funeral was over.
I never met her children.
I didn’t even know where to send a card. It had always been just Thelma and me. No one else in my life felt the emptiness.
Moments like this tend to tug at our hearts with the sting of regret. Whether it’s the sudden death of a loved one, words you never got to speak, a reconciliation that never took place, or a mistake that haunts you when the night grows long, most of us hold some regret.
3 Ways to Let Go of Regret
If you need to let go of regret in any area of your life today, here are a few truths to stand on:
1. Ask God to search your heart and show you any lessons you can learn.
There are two kinds of sorrow: worldly sorrow and godly sorrow.
Worldly sorrow is regret without change, without an encounter with God.
Godly sorrow involves the gentle conviction of the Holy Spirit and leads to repentance, a literal turn toward God.
Ask God if you have regret because you have offended him by sinning against him. If your regret stems from a sin against God, turn your heart away from the sin and toward God. Commit to change your ways: to repent. However, there are times, like my regret over not saying goodbye to Thelma, when sin is not involved.
Hold onto this truth in moments when your regret is simply over something that went undone: Loving as well as you can in the moment is enough.
2. Learn the lesson; release the guilt.
Sometimes, regret is synonymous with guilt. If you’re having a hard time letting go of what you should have said or done, ask the Lord if there is a lesson to learn.
Sometimes, regret is synonymous with guilt. If you’re having a hard time letting go of what you should have said or done, ask the Lord if there is a lesson to learn. #regret #grace #guilt #God Click To TweetYou might learn to express your true emotions instead of waiting, be more present to those you love, send a message when you get a nudge on your heart, or stand against temptation in a different way. Embrace the lesson. Write it down. Let it sink to your heart. And then release the guilt and move forward.
3. You can let go of regret by reminding yourself that you did your best.
What regret are you holding onto today? Did you do the best you could do with what you had at the time?
If so, your best was enough.
It’s easy to look back and consider everything we should have done differently.
No matter what form of regret you are dealing with, remind yourself that your best was enough.
There might be a lesson to be learned in what went unsaid and undone, but doing as well as you could at the time was your calling. Extend grace to yourself in these moments if you did the best you could.
It took months for me to release the pain of losing Thelma. I still miss her. But I cling to the sweetness of the memories. As I drive across the overpass on the far side of town, I hold the wheel with two hands and keep my eyes on the road. Thelma would be pleased.
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