I Don’t Fit in: Insights to Change Your Perspective
A few years ago, I stepped about a million miles out of my comfort zone and attended a conference for women who feel called to write and speak. The weekend was filled with informational seminars, discussion groups, and motivational speakers. I was anxious about the weekend for plenty of reasons, and one of my deepest concerns was a quiet voice that whispered, “What if I don’t fit in?”
The fear of not fitting in can feel surprising as an adult. You walk into a crowded room, and you suddenly feel like a middle schooler looking for a place to sit in the school cafeteria.
I wrestled through these fears as I navigated the first day of the conference. Much to my surprise, the other women were warm and welcoming. Most of us had similar reservations about fitting in.
On the second day of the conference, I made plans to connect with the woman who had been my assigned long-distance prayer partner for the two months leading up to the conference. I stood nervously at the spot where we had decided to meet and checked my watch. Waiting felt awkward. I felt out of place as groups of women walked by chatting and laughing like old friends.
I Don’t Fit in: How to Overcome the Fear
Sometime after my third watch check, a smiling, vibrant woman made her way through the crowd. She made a bee line straight for me. She was all energy and cheer, and she grabbed my hands without hesitation – like we’d been friends for decades.
“You just have to be Stacey!” she exclaimed.
Before I knew it, she was hugging me, tearing up, and talking so fast I could hardly keep up with her words.
It was possibly the most comforting and freeing moment of the entire weekend.
To be loved just as you are, right where you are, with no pretenses or need to try to measure up can be the greatest gift in the world.
To be loved just as you are, right where you are, with no pretenses or need to try to measure up can be the greatest gift in the world. #fittingin #kindness Share on XMy new friend hugged me for the third time, thanked me for the months of prayer, and pulled me onto her lap as we became the models in the photo-staging area. She offered me love, just as I was. She made me feel safe and valued. Her warmth touched my heart.
As the photos snapped, she laughed as she told me she still didn’t know what she was doing at a conference for speakers and writers. She was entirely transparent and didn’t take herself too seriously.
We captured a few photos, chatted for a few minutes, and made plans to find each other for dinner.
How to Stop Worrying About Fitting in
Two days later, when the conference ended and I faced the many miles of interstate, I reflected on the many women I met throughout the weekend.
I reflected on the struggle to fit in, keep up appearances, and face insecurities. It’s a struggle most of us will face from time to time.
As I reflected, one shining ray of light stood out among the many memories of the weekend: I thought of my prayer partner. She was like a ray of light filling every room she entered.
Somehow, she never seemed worried about fitting in.
She didn’t worry about appearing perfect or keeping up a facade.
She wasn’t afraid to admit she didn’t know where God was leading her in ministry.
My friend didn’t have all the right answers. But she did radiate a powerful kind of love.
She was warm and welcoming.
She offered the love and safe space every woman in her presence needed.
I Don’t Fit in: The Secret Gift You Always Carry
And maybe this is the secret to fitting in no matter where in the world you happen to be: Be the safe place other people need.
Be the safe place when the world around you is searching for someone to make them feel welcome.
Offer hope when the world around you is hungry for encouragement.
Be a safe place by showing up with nothing to prove and loving others, right where they are.
Take a hand. Touch a heart. Be real and be kind.
Instead of Worrying About Not Fitting in, Do This . . .
It’s been a while since that conference with my friend. Nonetheless, her impact made a lasting difference in the way I see my calling in life.
My calling is never about making a name for myself, finding a place to fit in, or proving my worth and competency; my calling is to be the safe place other people need.
Do you worry about not fitting in?
Make up your mind to be the safe place for someone else. Look for someone to love. Be real. Let others see your weaknesses. You will suddenly realize you’ve forgotten about fitting in altogether.
My prayer partner didn’t know why God led her to that conference. Looking back, there’s no doubt she fulfilled his purpose for her in that place.
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Calling all moms and daughters!
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