Angry Cleaning: 3 Ways to Move Toward Peace and Joy
I recently went for a walk with a friend who confessed to Angry Cleaning.
I didn’t have to ask her for an explanation because I’ve Angry Cleaned more times than I can count. Unlike “Rage Cleaning,” in which we intentionally pour our frustration into the cleaning process, using our anger for good, Angry Cleaning is act of cleaning angrily, often because others are not helping us.
I invite you to join me as I walk through the woods with my friend, and we’ll learn how to move away from Angry Cleaning, Angry Cooking, Angry Working, and Angry Parenting.
Angry Cleaning
A thread of silver water twists its way through an ochre stand of hardwoods as dusk exhales its first drowsy breath. I’ve found an hour to walk through the woods with a friend tonight, and our time together is a gift.
We talk about the books we’ve been reading, a recent conference at our church, and the way the daily grind sometimes wears on us.
“I’m trying to catch myself when I start Angry Cleaning and ask the Lord to change my heart,” my friend confesses.
I’ve never heard the phrase, “Angry Cleaning,” but she doesn’t have to explain. I’ve Angry Cleaned more times than I can count.
My heart fills with compassion toward my friend as she shares her battle with this resentful mentality. At the heart of the matter, she wants more help from her husband, but he rarely extends the help she desires. She ends up taking on most of the household duties, and she has to fight to avoid becoming bitter about her circumstances. We talk about this as we stroll beneath the towering beech trees, and I try to encourage her. The conversation also prompts me to pay more attention to my own anger.
As I reflect on our conversation the day after our walk, I catch myself grumbling about the volume of dirty laundry our family produces every day. Later in the day, I catch myself complaining as I clean up the toys and blankets strewn throughout the living room.
Shifting From Angry Cleaning to Peace and Joy
I don’t like the way resentment builds within me in these moments. I want to be the kind of woman who undertakes her daily work with a joyful heart, but I’m not sure how to make the shift.
Throughout the weeks following my friend’s admission to Angry Cleaning, I began discussing the concept with more of my friends to see if they could relate. My informal survey revealed that most people approach at least one daily task with anger, bitterness, self-pity, or resentment.
For some of us, it’s cleaning.
For others, it’s taking out the garbage, cooking all of the family’s meals, mowing the lawn, raking the leaves, or taking out the dog.
The Role of Comparison
Most of the time, we aren’t angry because we dislike the work. Instead, we feel like we’re doing more work than others, or we’re doing work that ought to belong to our family members or roommates.
We undertake these tasks angrily because we feel unappreciated and even used. As a result, bitterness takes root in our hearts.
Today we’re going to have an honest conversation about the daily grind. The daily grind is the hard, humble, and hidden work that fills our days. It’s swishing toilets, washing dishes, folding laundry, paying bills, and completing the cyclic and mundane parts of our jobs. Your daily grind might include caring for young children, tending to the needs of a spouse who has chronic health issues, or serving as a caretaker for an elderly or disabled relative.
The daily grind is the work that isn’t applauded by others.
As we undertake this work, we often feel unacknowledged and unseen by our spouses, kids, coworkers, bosses, or whomever we’ve been called to serve. We feel like we are expected to lay down our lives as we meet the needs of those surrounding us, and we’re tired.
Resisting Resentment in the Daily Grind
It’s easy to succumb to resentment amid this work; however, our loving heavenly Father has a different invitation for us. He invites us to lean into his grace and let him replace resentment with joy as we undertake the tiresome work that fills our days.
I’ve been drawing near to God and asking him to transform my heart in this area, and I’ve discovered several life-changing insights that are helping me shift from grumbling to joy in this daily work: spending time in the secret place with Jesus; remembering the One I serve; and refusing to feel sorry for myself.
I invite you to join me as I share a replenishing part of my evening routine, and we’ll begin by talking about letting Jesus affirm our work as a first step toward greater joy in the grind.
1. Overcome Angry Cleaning by spending time in the secret place.
Before I go to sleep at night, I often ask Jesus to search my heart and help me process any residual negative emotions from the day.
Sometimes, he shows me sadness, and I grieve in his presence. At other times, I notice fear, worry, or anxiety, and he helps me relinquish my fears and plant my feet on his truth. Occasionally, he reveals resentment or anger from a moment when I felt like a loved one didn’t care about me, see me, help me, or thank me.
When I recognize anger or resentment, I ask Jesus what he wants me to know about the situation. Sometimes, he shows me that I should have asked for help instead of embracing self-pity as I sought validation.
If he convicts me of a sinful attitude—such as self-pity—I confess it, repent, and ask him to change my heart. I then ask him to show me how he feels about the work that went unappreciated by others. Most of the time, he responds with a gentle impression that settles over me and draws me deeper into his love.
God Will Lead You
For example, years ago, my work as a special education teacher was often physically and emotionally exhausting. Managing a Life Skills Support classroom is tiresome work, and I often felt like I was spending all of my time putting out fires and very little time teaching.
During my last year in the classroom, one particular student was rarely compliant and responded to my directives by yelling at me. Several months into the school year, I went to see my doctor and told him about the chest pains I’d been experiencing.
After a thorough examination, my doctor assured me that I wasn’t on the brink of a heart attack. He then asked if I’d been experiencing any extra stress that could be causing anxiety. I told him about the challenging student, and he encouraged me to find ways to release the stress that accumulated in my body throughout the trying days.
In the weeks following the appointment, I started taking walks outside on my lunch break to relieve stress. I learned to talk about my frustrations with supportive coworkers and tried to give thanks for the many gifts surrounding me at work. I also learned to draw close to Jesus and let him affirm my efforts in the classroom.
One day in the middle of the school year, I decided to keep track of how many times my difficult student yelled at me. By the end of the day, I had recorded 136 tally marks.
Ask God What You Need to Know
Crashing into bed at the end of that day, I poured my heart out to the Lord. “Lord, I’m not sure how much longer I can endure this stress,” I told Jesus. “Show me what you want me to know.”
Jesus didn’t answer in an audible voice or even give me a clear thought. Instead, I had a deep sense of his love for my student. I also perceived that he was pleased with my efforts to remain calm and exude the kindness and compassion my student desperately needed.
I didn’t wake up the next morning with a miraculous spring in my step or an entirely new perspective on the situation. It was still difficult. However, Jesus’ affirmation helped me persevere through the difficult year. Every night, I returned to his arms and let him comfort me while his love and affirmation washed over me.
Learning to find our affirmation in Christ is vital because we will all face situations in which no one thanks us for our labor. Some husbands never thank their wives for the meals they cook, their endless household work, or the ways they sacrifice to earn extra income outside of the home. Some elderly parents consistently expect their adult children to meet all of their needs and then deride them for doing it wrong. Many bosses are critical, demanding, and not at all encouraging.
When others fail to thank us, help us, or acknowledge us, it hurts. It’s easy to allow bitterness to take root in our hearts. I’ve learned that the single most powerful way to resist bitterness is to meet with Jesus and let him affirm my work.
Resist the Urge to Angry Clean and Bring Your Emotions to Jesus
Jesus wants you to bring him your emotions, too. Most of us will face moments when we feel worn down by our daily work—moments when we’re tempted to Angry Clean, Angry Cook, or Angry Serve.
Establish a habit of bringing your emotions to Jesus at the end of each day. Let him search your heart and show you if you’re embracing anger or resentment. Let him speak his love over you, fill your heart with self-sacrificing love for those he has called you to serve, and fill you with his joy.
No act of service goes unseen by the Lord. He is delighted when you humbly serve others for his sake. He sees every sacrifice you make, and he counts it as if you’re directly serving him.
Here are a few of Jesus’ words about the delight he experiences when we serve others:
“Greater love has no one than this, that a person will lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).
“But the greatest of you shall be your servant” (Matthew 23:11).
“Take care not to practice your righteousness in the sight of people, to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 6:1).
“And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it for one of the least of these brothers or sisters of Mine, you did it for Me’” (Matthew 25:40).
Jesus’ words in Matthew 25:40 remind us that when we serve ungrateful people, he counts it as if we are directly serving him. Let’s focus on this verse as a segway into our second way of shifting from grumbling to joy: learning to serve others as if we are directly serving Jesus.
2. Move away from Angry Cleaning by remembering the One you are serving.
Before we had children, my husband and I traveled to Guatemala to stay with a family of international workers and share the love of Christ with the people of Guatemala. During that time, I often meditated on Jesus’ words: “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me” (Matthew 25:40, NIV).
After returning home from Guatemala, I filled our home with photographs of indigenous Guatemalan children in colorful clothing. I didn’t want to forget God’s calling to share his love with “the least of these.” I hung the photos to remind myself that Jesus calls me to love others—especially those who are often marginalized and overlooked—wherever I go.
Shortly after Bekah, our first child, was born, I remember rocking her through the long hours of a sleepless night. A pale moon peered through the frosted windowpane and cast shadows on the wall, and my gaze fell upon a photo of one of the Guatemalan children.
I remembered our time in Guatemala, and in many ways, the work of ministering to “the least of these” on the mountainsides of that distant land felt far more important—more spiritual—than the work of motherhood. A pang of longing filled my heart. I longed to return to the people of Guatemala and continue doing God’s work.
Redefining “the Least of These”
As I sat with my longing, God imprinted the following words upon my heart: Your children are “the least of these.”
We only had one child at the time, but I knew God was showing me that my role as a mother—to Bekah and to the children who would come after her—was my ministry to “the least of these.” He was also showing me that whatever I do for my children, I do for Jesus.
Throughout the years since that moment, I’ve reminded myself of the truth God spoke to my heart hundreds of times. This truth changes the way I see the quiet and humble work that fills my days.
God uses this truth to help me imagine that I am directly serving Jesus when I care for my loved ones. For example, when my child won’t stop asking questions from the backseat of the car, I imagine I am Jesus’ mother, Mary. I remind myself to respond to my child the way I would respond if I were Mary, and he were young Jesus—asking 300 questions per day.
When a little one is awake all night with the stomach bug, when a child’s twisted ankle requires me to carry him a mile out of the woods, or when serving my husband feels difficult, I imagine I am directly tending to Jesus’ intimate needs.
Change the Way You See Others
Perhaps this sounds like an elementary idea, but I encourage you to give it a try. When you feel frustrated or annoyed by the people God has called you to love and serve, literally imagine you are serving Jesus. I’m not talking about a theoretical idea. Visualize Jesus chatting nonstop from the backseat of your car or throwing his wet towel on the bedroom floor. Visualize the expression of joy on his face when you offer kindness to him.
I’ve found that when I remember I’m serving Jesus, I’m more patient, compassionate, and kind. I’m also far less likely to embrace self-pitying thoughts.
Keep Reading Here
Today’s post is actually a chapter from my latest book, Lean Into Grace. For the third insight to help you shift from Angry Cleaning to peace, download the remainder of this chapter right here today. It’s time to move away from anger and into peace and joy.
Calling all moms and daughters!
Additionally, my teen daughter, Bekah, and I are passionate about helping moms and daughters grow closer while connecting with God. We have written two mother-daughter devotionals together. Girl to Girl: 60 Mother-Daughter Devotions for a Closer Relationship and Deeper Faith is written for girls ages 7-12. It includes 60 devotions with Scripture, conversation starters, and a shared journaling section after each devotion.
Heart to Heart: A Mother-Daughter Devotional With 50 Devotions for Teen Girls is for teenage girls ages 13-20. It includes 50 devotions, each with a shared journaling section to help moms and daughters connect through writing. This is a great book for moms who want to communicate about awkward topics—like dating, purity, peer pressure, and more—but don’t know where to start. We will help you!
Multitudes of mothers, daughters, mentors, and younger women are being transformed by these books! You can buy them as paperbacks or get your free Kindle Unlimited eBooks on Amazon right here.
