Cultivating the Fruit of the Spirit: 9 Ways to Love Well
Not long ago, after studying the fruit of the Spirit, I decided I was done yelling at my kids. Ten minutes after making the decision, someone dumped a whole box of cereal on the kitchen floor in an attempt to pick out the marshmallows. Cultivating the fruit of the Spirit suddenly felt far from my reality.
If you can relate—if you want to bear more fruit in your life but tend to fall short—you’re in the right place.
Cultivating the Fruit of the Spirit
Today, we’ll talk about how to lean into God and bear more fruit in our lives.
First, let’s look at what God’s Word says about cultivating the fruit of the Spirit.
Galatians 5:22-23 reads: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (NIV).
Most of us want to live with love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness, but it’s much easier said than done.
Cultivating the Fruit of the Spirit: 9 Ways
Let’s break down this verse, discuss these nine characteristics, and learn how to cultivate them.
Love
Ultimately, as we become more loving, we will embody all of the fruits of the Spirit.
Meanwhile, if we lean on willpower to become more loving, we will quickly become frustrated. No amount of willpower can change a heart and produce love. This is something God must birth within us. Have you ever noticed that trying to be loving in difficult situations only works for so long?
Like every other characteristic listed in Galatians 5:22, we cannot produce love in our human strength.
We need God to work in our hearts and change us from the inside out. This happens as we spend time with him. Through intimacy with him, God shapes us to become more loving people.
For this reason, the most powerful way to cultivate the fruit of the Spirit, including love, is by spending time with God. (For 10 creative ways to connect with God, click right here.)
Joy
I like to think of cultivating joy as loosening up. Here’s a recent example of how my daughter taught me to cultivate joy and lighten up:
I’m pounding out words on the computer when sweet Bekah bounces off the school bus. She careens through the door and makes a bee-line straight for the bathroom.
“Oh, sweet boy,” she giggles from the bathroom in the hallway. I wonder what toy or note she found from her little brother in the bathroom.
Five minutes later, she prances into the living room, and I ask what led to the remark.
“Caleb left his potty seat on the toilet and the stool pushed right up to the toilet. He closed the big toilet seat like that’s how the bathroom’s supposed to look,” she explains.
That’s it? I wonder. She saw the mess her little brother left and responded with joy?
I sit in silence and consider the lesson I might learn from my child. How would my life be different if I loosened up? I’m quick to snap in anger when life doesn’t go my way.
How would my life be different if I didn’t get worked up over the driver who cuts me off in traffic, long lines at the grocery store, and messes from my kids?
Perhaps it’s time we stop grumbling about the messes other people leave for us and the interruptions to our schedules. Maybe we should learn to say, “Oh, sweet boy,” a little more often.
Joy is always found in letting go of my desire for control and learning to find a reason to give thanks when life isn’t perfect.
Peace
Isaiah 26:3 reminds us that God gives peace to those who keep their thoughts fixed on him.
We cultivate the fruit of peace by keeping our eyes on Jesus.
When life is going well, we thank Jesus. When life goes off the rails, we look to Jesus.
I’ve also learned that thanking God for the people he places in my life helps me live in peace. I follow Bekah’s example for joy and peace. By giving thanks for the people in my life instead of grumbling about them, I step into God’s peace.
Patience and Forbearance
A while back, a friend told me about a story she recently read in a book. A man was irritated as he made his way home on the subway. The tired father sitting across from him was unable to control his unruly children, and the kids were bouncing off the walls.
Just as the man was about to say something to the father who was exerting no control over his children, the father looked him in the eye and thanked him for his grace.
The family was on their way home from their mother’s funeral. The forlorn father had no emotional energy to contain his children. The sweet little ones were emotionally regulating with a much-needed energy release.
We often don’t know what’s going on in the lives of those who offend us or annoy us. What if instead of being angry, we exuded patience?
I’ve learned to cultivate patience by asking God to fill me with his compassion for others, giving me his heart of love for them. When we act from compassion, we bear the fruit of patience.
Kindness and Goodness
Kindness and goodness might seem relatively straightforward.
Let’s dig a bit deeper as we consider the implications of these two traits.
Do you struggle to extend kindness and goodness to others when you feel unappreciated?
We all feel unappreciated sometimes.
Remind yourself no act of service goes unseen by God. Resist the temptation to grumble or become bitter in these situations, and you will move toward greater kindness and goodness.
Also, don’t keep score. Resist the urge to make lists in your head.
Don’t list the hours you put into cleaning your house and compare it to the hours your husband spends pursuing his hobbies. Resist the urge to feel sorry for yourself or grumble. The work God sets before you is his holy calling for your life. Ask God to fill your heart with love as you serve others, and the fruits of kindness and goodness will increase in your life.
Faithfulness
God is always faithful to us. He never turns his back on us and promises to stay with us always.
Faithful friends can be hard to find.
Cultivate faithfulness by being loyal, trustworthy, and sincere.
When I think of faithfulness, I think of my parents. During the darkest years of my life, I made many mistakes. When I finally decided to come clean and return to God, I told my parents the truth about my life.
Part of me was fearful they would reject me.
Much to my relief, they embraced me and affirmed that they would never turn their backs on me.
The world needs more faithful people. Can you be this person to your troubled children, your spouse, your difficult relatives, and your friends?
Gentleness
The Bible tells us that a gentle answer turns away wrath. Jesus was described as gentle and humble in heart.
I spent most of my life being gritty, goal-oriented, and a determined go-getter.
My grit served me well for about 30 years. Then, I had children and realized God was calling me to cultivate gentleness. The cultivation of this fruit of the Spirit has been an imperfect process of growth for me. A certain layer of grit remains embedded in my soul and still serves me well. Yet the fruit of gentleness has served me (and my family) even better.
Self-Control
Last, we are told to bear the fruit of self-control.
I find it reassuring that self-control is a quality God works out within me and not something I need to muster up in my own strength. I’ve learned that willing my way toward greater self-control regarding food, yelling at my kids, exercising, and plenty of other endeavors does not yield the long-term transformation I crave.
God has promised that those who seek intimacy with him will bear self-control out of the overflow of his love.
I’ve learned to cultivate self-control by asking God to help me, through the power of the Holy Spirit, in moments when self-control is tested.
When I want to eat another cookie, I pray, “Lord, help me to make the decision I will feel good about in an hour or a day.”
Before redirecting my kids, I pray, “God, please help me to speak in a way that’s calm and not angry.”
When I don’t feel like working out, I pray, “Father, please help me to push through the desire to sit on the couch and do nothing as I remember that I’ll feel better after moving my body.”
God wants to help us bear self-control.
A Summary of Cultivating the Fruit of the Spirit in Your Life
Lastly, let’s remember to extend grace to ourselves. He who began a good work in you will not stop until the work is completed. Keep pressing into him, and he will work within you to help you cultivate the fruit of the Spirit.
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