Surrendering Control: Lessons From Laban and Jacob
It’s human tendency to try to control our circumstances. In some instances, this is healthy. Planning and preparing can help us achieve outcomes that glorify God. Nevertheless, there must be a balance between fulfilling our part and surrendering to God’s plans. Today, we’ll look at the story of Laban and Jacob in the Bible and consider the lessons we can learn from them.
Be sure to read to the end of today’s post for a free devotional eBook to help you apply the Old Testament to your life today.
Before we begin with the story of Laban and Jacob, I invite you into my living room, where a mentor shared life-changing advice with me.
Surrendering Control: Lessons From Laban and Jacob
“Just when I think I’m doing better at letting go of control, I see something I’m still clinging to,” I said to my mentor. I was in my mid-thirties, and I was tired of feeling anxious, clambering for a sense of control over circumstances that weren’t mine to change.
Her response reframed the way I saw the desire for control. She said, “Stacey, that’s the ultimate human struggle. We all want to be in control of our circumstances. We’ll be surrendering that desire to God all our lives.”
My older friend’s words have encouraged me over the past decade as I’ve recognized my immense desire to control every area of my life.
Walking by faith is continually laying down the desire for control, trusting that God holds our lives with care. We see this principle of releasing control as we examine the lives of Laban and Jacob in Scripture.
Lessons From Laban and Jacob
Laban was the brother of Rebekah, and he’s known for opening his home to Jacob when Jacob fled from Esau after manipulatively stealing his birthright and his blessing.
Laban’s life was marked by selfish motives and characterized by a greedy desire to control his circumstances.
Today, we’ll explore the lessons we can learn from Laban and Jacob as we consider the ways we grasp for control.
Lesson #1: Character can drift over time.
We first met Laban in Genesis 24. Abraham’s servant approached Rebekah’s relatives, including Laban, to explain his purpose. He asked Rebekah to travel with him and marry Isaac.
Laban listened to the servant, acknowledged God’s hand in the situation, and sent Rebekah with his blessing. There was no manipulation or deception. At this time, Laban seemed to be upright and honest.
Years later, when Rebekah and Isaac’s son Jacob went to live with Laban, he had changed. He was greedy and deceitful.
This is a subtle reminder that when left unchecked, character can change. The desires for control and greed can grow with time. Ambition can become distorted, leading us to self-serving control.
Lesson #2: Trying to control one area leads to the desire to control everything.
After settling with Laban’s family, Jacob fell in love with Laban’s daughter Rachel. He worked for Laban for seven years under the promise that at the end of those seven years, Laban would bless a marriage between Jacob and Rachel.
Deceitfully, Laban tricked Jacob into marrying Leah instead. After Jacob discovered the identity of his new bride, he approached Laban to see what could be done. Laban demanded seven more years of work, at which point Jacob could also marry Rachel.
Throughout those years, Laban repeatedly changed Jacob’s wages. He feared losing Jacob, and his manipulation was meant to keep Jacob around. Ultimately, it pushed Jacob away (we will discuss this in our next point).
This narrative reminds us that the more we cling to control, the greater the desire for control becomes.
Lesson #3: Trying to control others pushes them away.
Jacob ultimately left Laban, taking both his daughters and all their children with him.
This is a good lesson for us today. We can try to control our children, spouses, friends, employees, and other people. In doing so, we often reap the opposite of what we desire: We push them away.
Lesson #4: We cannot control God’s plans.
Despite Laban’s manipulation, God blessed Jacob. In his sovereignty, God gave Jacob the largest, strongest flock of sheep. He gave him great wealth because that was part of his plan.
No matter how hard we try, we cannot control God’s predetermined plans.
More Lessons From Laban and Jacob
Lesson #5: The desire for control hinders spiritual discernment.
Laban saw God blessing Jacob but still clung to control. He wasn’t able to discern God’s will because he was too focused on making profit, keeping Jacob around, and getting his way.
Laban acknowledged God; however, acknowledging God is not the same as surrendering to him.
Lesson #6: The tighter we cling to control, the more we risk losing it.
Laban lost Jacob’s whole family and his best sheep when Jacob left.
Laban had pushed Jacob away by trying to control and manipulate him.
This principle is true in our lives, too. The tighter we cling to control, the greater the risk of losing that which we want to keep.
Lesson #7: Controlling others hurts them.
Laban didn’t give much consideration to Leah and Rachel’s feelings. Rachel was in love with Jacob, but Laban gave Leah to Jacob as his wife. Imagine the animosity this created between the sisters.
The tension was clear even after they were both married to Jacob and as they both hoped to bear children to him.
Laban’s selfishness hurt his entire family.
In a similar way, when we selfishly try to control others, we hurt them.
Lesson #8: Knowing God is not the same as trusting him.
Laban spoke of God, but his actions showed self-interest.
Knowing God does not guarantee trust in him. Trust must be built over time.
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As we reflect on the lives of Laban and Jacob, we’re reminded that clinging to control doesn’t lead to the outcomes we desire. Here are some practical ways to exchange control for surrender.
How to Exchange Control for Surrender
1. We learn to embrace life’s interruptions as God’s assignments.
Do you struggle when your agenda is interrupted?
Every time you feel frustrated over an interruption, practice releasing control to the One who actually orchestrates your schedule.
2. We make follow God more closely than we follow our plans.
There’s nothing wrong with making plans. Meanwhile, God wants us to follow him more than we follow our rigid plans. I’ve been known to become so set on completing my plans that I miss God’s divine direction.
I ask this gently today: Are you following God, or are you following your plans?
3. We place our loved ones in God’s hands.
I like to believe I have entrusted God with the lives of my children. Sadly, when one of them faces a life-threatening diagnosis, when a decision looks like it’s about to derail one of their lives, or when my best efforts fail to produce change in one of my children, I have to learn to release control all over again.
Keep praying, trusting, guiding, and releasing your loved ones into his hands.
4. We release bitterness and unforgiveness.
When we hold onto unforgiveness, bitterness grows. Bitterness is a poison to the soul and affects the entire body, mind, and spirit.
If you are struggling to forgive someone in your life today or dealing with bitterness, take steps to find freedom and healing. Ask God to help you release bitterness and unforgiveness to him. In return, he wants to fill you with peace.
5. We follow God into discomfort.
We live in a culture where comfort is idolized.
Do you put your comfort above the call to go and make disciples?
Do you hesitate to follow God into places that feel uncomfortable to you?
Sit with the Lord and dwell on these questions for a while. Keep this truth in mind: Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” Luke 9:23
6. We give God control by releasing expectations for others into his hands.
Are you frustrated with someone close to you?
Let go of control by recognizing that Jesus is big enough to touch this person’s heart in his timing.
Stand on this truth while you wait, pray, and release: Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13
7. We can release control by giving up our conditions for following God.
Without realizing it, some of us have put conditions on following God.
We commit to following him only to certain geographic regions, jobs, and callings.
Pause to ask God if there are any areas in which he is calling you to release your desire for control over where you will or will not follow him.
Stand on this truth: If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:26
If these lessons from Laban and Jacob (and applications) blessed you, I invite you to explore our family devotional books and library of free devotionals and eBooks below. May you continue to surrender to the Lord more and more.
Calling All Parents and Grandparents!
As the parent of two sons and a daughter, I have a heart for helping parents develop deeper relationships with their children and with God. Our kids, ages 6, 11, and 15, share this vision. They have helped me write three family devotionals for parents or older relatives to read with the children and teens they love. You can find all three books here or read more below.
Attention All Boy Moms (and Dads)!
God’s Warrior: Devotions for Boys Who Want to Grow in Courage and Strength helps young boys, ages 5-13, learn what it means to trust God and become strong warriors for his kingdom. Now, more than ever, our world needs men who are willing to boldly carry God’s love into the world. I wrote this boys’ devotional book with our two young sons, Aiden and Caleb, ages six and eleven! You’ll enjoy their honesty as we teach boys how to be strong warriors for the Lord. Find this life-changing devotional book here.
Mother-Daughter Devotionals by a Mom and Daughter
Girl to Girl: 60 Mother-Daughter Devotions for a Closer Relationship and Deeper Faith is written for girls ages 7-12. It includes 60 devotions with Scripture, conversation starters, and a shared journaling section for moms and daughters after each devotion. I wrote this book with the help of our daughter, Bekah, when she was eleven. Find this one-of-a-kind shared devotional here.
Heart to Heart: A Mother-Daughter Devotional With 50 Devotions for Teen Girls is for teenage girls ages 13-20. It includes 50 devotions, each with a shared journaling section to help moms and daughters connect through writing. This is a great book for moms who want to communicate about awkward topics—like dating, sexuality, peer pressure, and more—but don’t know where to start. Bekah and I will help you right here.
Find Our Family Devotionals Here
Find all three books right here. They are also free on the Kindle Unlimited plan, which you can enjoy with a free three-month trial! These books make great gifts, and you don’t need to be the parent of young children to read them. Share them with your grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or the young ones you love.
Learn Why Willpower Doesn’t Work and Experience God’s Deliverance and Healing
God wants to work in your life to accomplish what you’ve been unable to do through willpower alone. Lean Into Grace: Let God’s Grace Heal Your Heart, Refresh Your Soul, and Set You Free shares practical ways to experience God’s freedom, healing, power, and presence in your life. Find this life-changing book as a free eBook on Kindle Unlimited or for 12.99 in print right here. (If you do not have Kindle Unlimited, you can try it out with a free three-month trial!) This book will transform your life and revitalize your relationship with the Lord!
A Free Devotional to Help You Apply the Old Testament to Your Life Today
Do you want to learn how to read the Old Testament and apply it to the challenges you face in your everyday life? In 30 devotions, my free devotional eBook, Timeless, will help you grow in God’s Word while applying it to your life.
You’ll also learn how the entire Bible points to Jesus as we unpack fascinating symbolism linking the Old Testament to Christ. Download it for free with promo code JESUS here or consider offering a $4.99 donation to support this ministry.
I also offer a library of free online devotional eBooks for free. I invite you to explore the collection right here!
